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thewiz
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Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:28 pm on Dec. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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This is from an actual trial in the UK, A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing, She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed!
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 11:24 pm on Dec. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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A single woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they didn't know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland enlargement.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him the baby came from him and that it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation, he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?" "You gave birth to a child!"
"But that's impossible!" says the priest."I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby....."
About fifteen years go by and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father....." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:27 pm on Dec. 24, 2009
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expatchuck
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.'
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have gotten out today.'
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 4:04 am on Dec. 28, 2009
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thewiz
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Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:43 am on Jan. 26, 2010
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StrayGypsy
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Toyota's renaming its truck line to BigFoot !
Toyota's bringing back the Supra Kamkaze
Supercharged edition !... essentially a coffin on wheels
Toyota's theme song was "Oh What a Feeling !"... been revised to " I Can't Drive 55 " and has contracted with Sammy Haggar to re-promote the Corolla !
Toyota's new motto: "Stuck Moving Forward"
Free Toyota floormats found on Craigslist !... will help drivers with sluggish cars to accelerate uncontrollably !
Shims? did you say my accelerators stuck and I can't dial 911 hands free anymore while speeding down Cali Hwy 101 @101mph
Funny Commercial 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAaizQr7_uE
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:09 am on Feb. 15, 2010
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expatchuck
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A few weeks of somebody enjoying Al Gore's global warming:
_________________________________
Subject: DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March... I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What! Is she, nuts? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry f***ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:12 am on Feb. 23, 2010
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expatchuck
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True or not? I don't know but it's a good tale:
__________________________________
(You just can't make this stuff up!)
When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch.
What they did take, however, was a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder. (That's the way the police report described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar to high-grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.
Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars.
"Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago."
The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said:
"Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie.
Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings..
Have a nice day."
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:02 am on Feb. 23, 2010
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expatchuck
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GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed..
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
"I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:25 pm on Feb. 26, 2010
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