| |
james bond
|
A few little pearls of wisdom (and a bit of crap)
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimist - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
|
Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:36 am on Sep. 23, 2009
|
|
Barcrawler
|
Here is an old one.
13th October 1066.
King Harold is at Hastings reviewing his troops before ready for Tomorrows battle with the Normans.
“Captain of the Swordsmen, How many swordsmen do we have”
“10000 my liege”
“Can we have demonstration”
“Yes my Leige” The swordsmen give an impressive show.
“Thank you captain and my god guide you in the coming battle.
“Captain of the Pikemen, How many pikemen do we have”
“10000 my liege”
“Can we have demonstration”
“Yes my Leige” The Pikemen form an impressive wall.
“Thank you captain and my god guide you in the coming battle.
“Captain of the Archers, How many archers do we have”
“10001 my liege”
“Can we have demonstration”
“Yes my Leige” The Archers form up a let fly, 10000 arrows fly in a prefect arc and crash down in the target area. One arrow goes in completely the wrong direction and lands well away from the rest.
“Thank you captain very impressive but watch that idiot on the end, he is going to have someone’s eye out.
|
Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 7:51 am on Sep. 23, 2009
|
|
Barcrawler
|
Another old one.
A man goes to the circus with a girl he is desperate to impress. He is happy because he has managed to get from row seats. All is well until one of the clowns comes across.
“Excuse me sir, are you the front end of an ass?”
“No.”
“Are you the rear end of an ass?”
“Certainly not.”
“In that case you are no end of ass at all”
The crowd is falling about laughing but the guy is totally humiliated and swears revenge. Next day he spots a course at the local evening college “Diploma in Amazing wit and ready repartee”. He enrolls and thinks, next year when the circus comes to town I will really get that clown, he will never work again. At the end of the course the lecture approaches him and says “you are the best student I have ever had, you really should go on and take the degree. He ponders this and decides, it’s three more years to wait for my revenge, but maybe I get him so bad he will commit suicide.
At University he continues to do well and joins the Wit and repartee society. At the end of his course is not only gets the highest marks ever awarded, he is elected the Grand Master of Amazing Wit and Ready Repartee. He returns to his home town to take his revenge.
The circus comes to town and he books the very same seat. Sure enough the clown comes across and says “Excuse me sir, are you the front end of an ass?” The Grand Master of Amazing Wit and Ready Repartee stands up, takes the microphone, looks the clown straight in the eye as says “F*%k off you red nosed C&*t”
|
Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:10 am on Sep. 23, 2009
|
|
|
|
SHEIKH14
|
A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen.
With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little
angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about
his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just
feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the
problem."
The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a
large stack of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the
table.
"Gee, mommy," the boy exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your
father."
|
Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 2:52 pm on Sep. 23, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER,
"GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM.
THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,
"YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."
HIS FRIEND SAYS,
"COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH ??.. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TAKING MY TEETH WITH HER
|
Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:39 am on Sep. 24, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
Reaction To New Healthcare Legislation
American The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health care proposals.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter....."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to morons in Washington.
|
Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:47 am on Sep. 24, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he
takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite
blonde walks by, smiles as she passes and the man immediately gets an
erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says,
"Did you call for me?"The man replies "No; what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that
if you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling, she
leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel,
eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man happily continues to explore the colony's facilities. He
enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within seconds, a
huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him.
Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.
"No".....what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart,
it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him
around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted
by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back
and you can keep the $3200 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "You've only been here for a few hours. You
haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
"Listen lady," replies the man.....I'm 68 years old.......I only get
an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I'm outta here.
|
Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:03 am on Sep. 24, 2009
|
|
james bond
|
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get
into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight
attendant noticed his predicament. "Sir, she said,"You may use the
ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the
wall. "He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the
buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by
letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he
touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was
sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought.
Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating
greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the
warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he
pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding
a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The
ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving
pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't
wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his
eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
"What happened?!" he exclaimed. "You pushed one too many buttons,"
replied the nurse. "The last button marked ATR was an Automatic
Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
|
Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 3:46 am on Sep. 24, 2009
|
|
james bond
|
What He's Looking For
When I was 21, I hoped that one day I would have an intelligent girlfriend.
When I was 28, I got that intelligent girlfriend, but there was no
passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an
emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was about 35 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She
was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life
became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 42 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She
did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me
miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very
energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
When I turned 49, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now 57 and am looking for a girl with very big tits.
|
Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:55 am on Sep. 24, 2009
|
|
| |
|
